Someone once described humiliation as tripping and falling down in public. Erotic humiliation on the other hand was tripping and falling down in public, in front of someone you were attracted to.
It’s a very subtle difference and can change completely depending on the people and mind games going on at the time.
Take this photo for example. What do you see?
A man helping a women get a pebble out of her shoe?
A devoted slave removing a pebble from his mistresses shoe?
Even if they are both simply removing a pebble, in the submissive man craving a position of service, this act can inspire erotic submissive feelings. While the other man is just being nice. Same act. Two completely different realities. The fun begins when Mistress stirs the pot with a simple “You look good on your knees.” or “Do you know how lucky you are to be touching my feet?”
Humiliation can fall into many categories the primary being physical and verbal, with shades of emotional, financial, degradation and disgust, religious, race (talk about a hot topic!) and they all have some aspect of being erotic to those who enjoy them.
One of the questions I get asked often about working as a professional dominatrix is How do you not laugh? Why wouldn’t I laugh? Some of this is hilarious and I love to laugh!! Lucky for me, there is a large segment of the male submissive population that finds being laughed at sexy.
The people who come to see a professional are wanting to have their limits pushed. They want to do something out of the ordinary. They want to be forced to dress up in pink panties, giant stiletto heels and make sweet, sweet love to a blow up doll while I shout encouragement, and taunt them with the fact that their new blow up girlfriend has cheated on them repeatedly with other sissy slaves since their last visit together.
They aren’t even good enough to satisfy a blow up doll. Oh, the shame.
Seriously. My work is hilarious. Why would I not laugh.
Humiliation requires a lot of trust and negotiation to get right. After twenty years, I knew what questions to ask, what reactions to look for, and of course, the little trick all tops use to some extent, “Tell me what a little whore you are.”
- I’m a dirty cock hungry whore
- I’m a silly little sissy whore
- I’m just a whore that doesn’t deserve you.
Each clients answer would guide the session from a basic starting point.
Successful tops learn to quickly and consciously mirror their submissives. Usually mirroring is a term that subconsciously replicating someones nonverbal, and to an extent, their verbal activity to create attraction and a feeling of belonging. When used in the dungeon, it’s simply saying and doing things that confirm a submissives nonverbal and verbal activity.
Because humiliation is so individual, mirroring, or simply repeating the words the submissive says “slut, worm, bitch” back to them in a variety of ways, starts a type of circular conversation that usually ends in the submissive thinking I am reading their mind, or as into their crazy fetish as they are.
And perhaps I am. They will never know unless I tell them otherwise.
Every month on my blog I’m going to have a theme to keep me focused and writing. This month it’s Erotic Humiliation, in honor of April being national humor month. Stay tuned for a humiliation tutorial or two, as well as a facetime interview with Princess Kali, the women, who literally wrote the book on humiliation which is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. Or stare in horror. Could go either way.